2022 Was the Year I Felt True Freedom

There's a lot to reflect on as I think about where 2022 has taken me. The first question that comes to mind is: Did I live up to the expectations set by the 2021 version of me? I never really make resolutions, but it's always been important to me that I continue to progress and evolve. Yes, I had a lot of new achievements in my work life—I continued to grow this newsletter, I got a podcast deal, and I got to be on an MTV show. But undoubtedly, the most impactful thing about this year was my time living abroad.  

I have never lived anywhere outside of the tri-state area. For anyone new here, I was born and raised in Westchester County, New York, and then I went to college in Fairfield, Connecticut, 45 minutes from where I grew up. I never studied abroad because I was too scared to fly. And since I knew I wanted to work in fashion, migrating down to New York City was always my singular path. NYC was the center of everything, so in my mind, there was never really a need to deviate. Over the years, a lot of the creative community has flocked to Los Angeles, but that was never of interest to me. Once I started traveling for work in 2012, and was forced to work through my fear of flying, I definitely made up for lost time. I still had never actually had the experience of living and being immersed in a completely new place though.  

So why London? My first visit to London was in 2015 for a work event, and then as an editor at Bazaar, I was assigned to cover London Fashion Week in the fall of 2016. I remember being a little upset when I first found out that I had to go. At that time, I felt like the city didn't hold much cache, but also, LFW came right after a very intense ten days of New York Fashion Week—it just seemed like too much. But after my first season, I had a change of heart. The more time I spent there, learned the city, made new friends, the sadder I became when it was time to return home. By 2018, as I was growing disenchanted at work, I began to dream of what life could look like there. 

At the end of 2019, as a promise to myself that I would leave my job in 2020, I bought a plane ticket to London for February 8, 2020. I planned to be there for two months to get a feel for the non-fashion week vibe of the city and to see if I might want to move there. Unfortunately, the pandemic got in the way, and I cut my trip short after a few weeks. So, when life started to feel somewhat “normal” again this year, I knew it was my opportunity to live out my dream that I couldn't in 2020. 

I'm sure at one point or another, we've all dreamed of quitting our jobs to travel or live somewhere else, and there were so many factors that actually made that dream a reality for me. I'm a single woman with no dependents, and I had to let go of a full-time job in order to have what I truly desired: freedom. I'm in a stable financial position where I could go to London and not worry about money. That was not the case in 2020. Yes, I saved up money before I left my job, but I was concerned about spending when I didn't have a steady income. I also had a lot of uncertainty ahead of me about where my life was going. I don't know that I would've been able to fully enjoy that trip in the same way I did this year, even if there wasn't an impending pandemic.

When I got to London this summer, I didn't know how long I would stay. I had never spent so much time away from home, of course, so I didn't know if I would feel homesick (unlikely since I had been living with my parents for 2 years) or if I would just completely change my mind. Maybe the weather would be miserable, and I would run back to NYC's hot, sweaty, and smelly summer. But I settled into it so seamlessly, it just immediately felt like home. I woke up everyday feeling excited. I loved getting to know my neighborhood and finding all my local spots like the coffee shop, nail salon, lunch spots (I miss Pret!), and building a relationship with a new hairstylist. I connected with so many amazing women that I had been friendly with on social media. I started dating again. I started taking tennis lessons, which I had wanted to do for such a long time. I pushed my return date several times, and before I knew it, five months flew by, and it was time to go back to New York. 

Being in London was really expansive for me in many ways, some of which I'm not sure I can really put into words. But I feel like most people following me on social media could tell, judging by all the messages I would receive of people telling me how happy I seemed. It wasn't a front, I really was happy.

Leaving my full-time job helped me find one level of freedom, but being able to travel and live in a new country, took me to a whole other level. And I got to be there on my own terms, not for work, not for any particular reason at all, I was just there to try something different. 

But I'd also be lying if I didn't say that there were times where I felt lonely in London—and I don't feel lonely very often. The time zone difference meant no daily morning calls with my best friend. Even though I made friends in London, it's not the network I have in New York with people I've fostered years-long relationships with. London is also overwhelmingly large, so making impromptu plans with people in other parts of town is not a thing. In general, socializing and nightlife felt starkly different to New York. I rarely had a night where I would go out aimlessly with a friend, and figure out our night along the way. I think in New York there's always this feeling that you never know where the day or night might take you. You never know who you might bump into, or what random party you might end up at, and suddenly it becomes a night you never forget. London felt more calculated. But it taught me to be more intentional and make plans with the people I want to see, which I was never really good about.

I lived in New York City for almost 10 years, and I think when we can get so used to doing the same thing and being around the same people, we get caught up in routines of how we should be or the things we should do or the expectations and projections of people around us, whether that's friends, family, or work. Especially for me, living at home in the suburbs for 2 years, at some points my life probably felt like it was on autopilot. All of that felt removed from my life in London. And yet, it didn't feel like a romanticized version of my life that was unsustainable, it just felt like I had propagated roots in a new location—and I was allowed to simply flourish as myself. I still believe it was the best thing I did this year for my mental health.

Now, I know not everyone has the flexibility or can afford to just move somewhere new for the sake of personal development. Logistically it can be complicated, but with remote work becoming the standard these days—traveling somewhere new doesn't always necessarily mean you have to give up a job. So, if it's something you've been thinking about, consider this your sign to do your research and figure out whether you can actually make it a reality. You don't have to commit to moving away for years, or even 5 months, just being able to get away, and do something different, for a few weeks could help shift your perspective in a big way.