Dear Chrissy,
I’ve always had a thing for exotic women.
Love,
XX
That was scribbled onto the last page of my senior yearbook by my longtime crush, who was white.
The message confirmed what I had always sensed: he liked me. We had been friends since middle school, and we talked and flirted on AIM (that’s AOL instant messenger for the young’ns) all the time. But he only ever dated the white girls at school—just like every other crush I had.
I don’t watch Summer House, but enough people around me do—and I’m chronically online—so I’m familiar with the major players and most of the show’s storylines. Also, thanks to my friend Lex Niko for this thorough timeline and analysis. Whether you’re a Bravo fan or not, the drama that unfolded this week has been impossible to ignore: a joint statement seen around the world confirming that Ciara Miller’s best friend, Amanda Batula (who also recently announced her divorce from a fellow castmate) is having some kind of romantic entanglement with Ciara’s ex, West Wilson.
Ciara’s situation with West feels so familiar—a canon event, some would say, for Black women who date white men, including myself. Watching clips of a tearful Ciara speak about the backlash she’s received over how things played out with West, and how she feels white men just want to “experience” her, made me reflect on my own history with interracial dating.
There are many layers to unpack in Ciara’s experience. I’m writing this not so much to focus on the drama (especially since I don’t have the full context, having not watched the show) or the betrayal by her best friend, Amanda (and yes, I think Amanda’s in the wrong if she was doing this behind Ciara’s back). I’m more interested in exploring the complicated reality of dating outside your race as a Black woman.
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