If astrology isn’t real, then why did I wake up to a DM from a high school friend I hadn’t spoken to in years on the first day of Mercury Retrograde? Mind you, it was 7:15 am in London, and he was with another high school friend of ours on the East Coast, and they wanted to Facetime me. I hadn’t seen either of them in probably a decade or longer, so the invitation tickled me, and we ended up reminiscing for two hours about the good old days of high school—the drama, the crushes, the parties. It was so unexpected, but it truly made me smile for the rest of the day.
When I shared this story with my therapist, she asked me how I feel about teenage Chrissy now. I don’t connect to that version of myself very often. Sometimes, I feel like I don’t really remember her. When I do any kind of inner child work, I’m usually focused on ages five up to 11 years old when I experienced my first panic attack. But after our call, there was a sense of endearment towards my teenage self—like maybe I was seeing her from a new perspective, in conjunction with the perspective offered by my two male friends. I think teenage me was pretty smart, had a strong intuition, and an even stronger moral compass. But I also often saw myself as a victim (and that followed me into my twenties) because the guys I liked didn’t like me back, which wasn’t always entirely true; they just didn’t have the guts to tell me, so they said it in my yearbook or later in life. Overall, I didn’t love high school, but I didn’t hate it— I think I always knew that there would be a much bigger life for me beyond those walls.
So, this month kicked off with an important reflection on a former version of myself. I know Mercury Rx has developed quite the reputation (online, at least) for being a dreaded time—the vibes are off, exes tempt us, flights get delayed, contracts fall through, keys are lost, and the list goes on. However, I’ve grown to really like Mercury Retrograde because I treat it as a time to slow down—and since it’s August, it couldn’t have come at a better time. I surrender to the reality that maybe I won’t be as productive as usual, projects and deals might take longer to finalize, and some deals might fall through completely. I just have to let go. And yes, people from our past tend to pop up—that one always feels like a guarantee.
I made a video about this a month ago because, generally, I don’t like men from my past trying to weasel their way back in. Sure, in my twenties, I thought it was flattering, but now I realize it’s just because they wanted attention, the ego boost, or they were bored, and I, who was secretly desperate to be loved, was an easy target. Sometimes, the universe sends us an ex to see if we’re still stupid. And as the brilliant therapist and author of The Origins of You, Vienna Pharaon, commented on my video, “Second chances without change are just patterns.” Hence why I once went back to my situationship not once, not twice, but three times (read about it here). However, maybe we need to go through something again (and again) to have a different experience or the closure we need to really move on.
In 2015, the Mercury Retrograde in Libra brought me a second chance with a guy that I thought was damn near perfect for me. Not only was John devastatingly handsome, but he was well dressed (without looking like he tried hard), had a great career, was well-traveled, and, most importantly, loved music. Originally, we were introduced at a mutual friend’s birthday party at The Woods (I know, classic). We spent most of the party talking, and after I told him that my favorite burger was at Piano’s, along with their $5 happy hour margarita (I lived around the corner), he suggested we go together so he could try one. From there, we ended up at his place, listening to music in his apartment for hours.