I’ve gone through a major personal growth spurt in the last few months. It’s most obvious to me in how I respond when I’m triggered in relationships. When I get triggered (especially if it’s an attachment wound), a sense of urgency lights up within the pit of my stomach like a spark of fire that quickly radiates to every corner of my body. It hijacks my brain and makes it impossible for me to think about anything other than… I need to act, I need to fix, I need reassurance, and/or I need the person who has triggered me to make me feel better.
A part of me has always judged this vulnerable side of myself. Why am I like this? I wish I could just make this GO AWAY. I’m better than this. I should know better. It feels like such a weak part of me, and I don’t like to see myself as weak.
This is precisely where the work starts.
My best friend (who is a therapist) was the first person to challenge me to sit down and acknowledge this feeling one night when I was worked up. As soon as I actually focused my attention on the feeling—it suddenly started to subside. That’s when I realized I had to sit with the fire, that burning sensation emanating from my stomach. Others might feel a sensation in their chest, neck, or head when triggered or having an emotionally intense experience. I’ve had to make friends with it and honor what the feeling is trying to tell me. I can’t shame it into going away, as much as I have tried in the past. The only way through is to love that part of me even more fiercely—and recognize the wisdom that comes from it.
This is where self-soothing comes in. Self-soothing is a practice that helps someone feel safe, get back into their body, and regulate their emotions. It’s very personal and will differ for everyone. Here are a few things that help me: